This is who I am( An article I wrote in 2004)

This is who I am.

I entertain not for money or fame; simply, this is who I am.

I can't change the way I am as when I see the smile on peoples' faces and the sense of wonder on there face: that is payment enough for me.

When a young child kisses your hand (as that is the culture of the country where I am at the moment), that is payment enough for me.

When people will talk weeks later about the entertainment I provided, that is payment enough for me.

I can barely pay bills -- in fact, sometimes I can't -- but this is who I am: an entertainer.

Its a hard life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You work for many many years hoping that one day you will be okay. But I do what I do because I know nothing else, having studied my whole life to become an entertainer, a mystifyer. No one can tell me that I can't be this or do this: it's who I am... not by choice, not by a plan, itjust happened that way.

So you wonder what kind of entertainer am I. Well, let me just say this:"Pick a card any card."

Now you know I am magician.

I have studied magic since my late teens and worked for nearly 15 years at this. I have tried other things and did not succeed. I love magic, but at the same time I hate it. Let me explain the "love" part first.

Magic has taken me all over. I have been to just about every state in the US. I have traveled all over the world including doing a TV special in Indonesia (my home away from home). Magic has taught me about math, theater, science, sound, lighting, and TV production. How may people get that much of a education? I love the fact that magic has and continues to challenge and teach me daily.

Now what I hate about it. First, it is almost like a drug, I can't live without it but I wish i could stop sometimes. It makes me lose focus on other things, and that can hurt those around me. It drives me insane when I have to eat crappy food because I didn't do that many shows this month,or because of that I have to borrow money from family. I hate the fact that I can have a really good month and make a good living but it all has to go towards bills that are past due. I think the hardest part for me is my family: they help so much when things are bad yet they do not understand who I am. Its always "time to get a real job" or just "do magic" as a hobby or -- my personal favorite -- "just give up and quit as you will never make it." This is who I am; it's kinda hard to become someone else. Well, I never wanted to be rich or famous to begin with. Then there is my wife who is very supportive and doesn't care what I do as long as I am happy; I hate the fact I can't spoil her the way I would like to (although sometimes I do even if we can't afford it).

So you see, life as a magician is not as glamorous as you may think.

But the one thing that is for sure is I am a magician, and nothing can change that or change who I am.

I have to do it and the reasons are evident to me: to make other people who are having a bad day happy or a good day happier. The idea of putting a smile on the face of a crying child or a business man that had a hard day at work or a single mom that finally gets a break from the kids or the person who can't afford to go to a movie or the person who has never seen magic live or the child with a disability or the person who just got out of the hospital,or the couple that just had a fight and the list goes on and on.

If I can make a difference for these people and make them forget about their day for even a minute and enjoy the possibility that there is more to life than turmoil and drama, I have to continue on
doing what I do and being who I am.

That's why I am a magician.


Todd Diamond◊
www.tpdmagic.com